God Said “No” today and I Kept Saying Yes

BlogpostSee that cupcake up there?  That was what I was what I should have planned to do all along today, but it took my stubborn self a few tries to figure it out.  Here’s how it all panned out and why I believe God knew I needed a break from school today but I didn’t believe him.  That’s the really crazy part.

This morning started out a little cra cra. (Roll your eyes at those words, but they make me laugh when I say them.  You know when things are crazy.)  Our neighbors decided to cut a tree down at 8:30 this morning.  They aren’t professionals and the tree fell the wrong way taking the power lines to our house with it.  No power meant no Saturday morning breakfast or at least the healthy yummy kind.  I decided to go ahead to the greenway and run (ok jog) then make the dreaded trek to school and try to accomplish the bazillion things I felt I needed to do today.  My heart wasn’t in though and I felt this extra sadness about leaving the house today.  I felt a pull and tug at my heart to just stay.  As I went to the car I see Ruby slide into the driveway, crashing her face into the gravel.  I drop my stuff run to her and pick her up.  She cries, but then says I’m okay you can go.  So I reluctantly go. I mean she didn’t even want me to clean her up.  I get to the greenway and realized I forgot my earbuds. I love my music when I run (ok again, jog), but decided to go anyway.  Finally, I make it to school where I feel overwhelmed, but I have a list.  I can do all things when I have a list and Pandora. However, every song Pandora played for me seemed to be something about slowing down, but I kept on.  What teacher has time to slow down, seriously, let’s change that station!!  Then came a phone call.  I won’t go in to that, but let’s just say it causes me to pack my bags and leave.  Marking only one thing off my list.  I deal with the issue and though exhausted mentally and physically and a little hungry for a bag of Reese’s mini’s and a large Diet Coke (haven’t had either in a month), I go back to school to mark off that list.  A list that includes typing and printing 4 project guides.  I decided to skip over project guides and moved down my list to “Chop millions of paper with the paper cutter”. This is a little therapeutic actually and much more healthier than Reese’s and a Diet Coke. Anywhooo, it worked for about 5 minutes.  Finally I made my way to the computer.  Happy that I saved some project guides from last year.  I hit the print button and print off not one but two saved guides.  Yes!!! I’m so smart for saving them.  However, my happy dance was stopped short by the printer breaking.  It spit my guides out, but there where no words printed on that shiny white paper.  Assuming my printer doesn’t use invisible ink I troubleshooted and troubleshooted again.  NOTHING!!!  At this point I stomped my feet, shed a few tears, and decided to just leave.  Making sure to slam the door.  Because that makes it all better. (insert eye roll). 

Let’s review.  Down tree+no power=no yummy Saturday breakfast(go eat out with your family), Ruby face plants (stay home and play that silly game with her), no ear buds (you can walk as a family later on today), dread of working (you really miss them), sad Pandora songs (duh how much more obvious can I get), personal yuckiness (this would have happened anyway, but you might have handled it better if you weren’t grumpy already), overwhelmed( I told you take a break), printer refuses to print (Hello!!! Do you hear me now???).

The pity party was full on in the car, but I managed to resist the gas stations with yummy Diet Coke and Reese’s and made it home to my loving husband and sweet girl.  I pity partied for a few more minutes and even turned down my sweet girls offer to make art with me.  I was tired.  I was sweaty.  I was pooped and overwhelmed by today’s crazy events.  I decided to take a long hot shower.  Long hot showers are great for washing away the physical dirt, but they can also be great at washing away the mental dirt too.  At least for me anyway.  And that’s where it hit me. God was trying to tell me to stay away from school today.  But I just kept on trying to be in control. And that never works.  I should have gone home the first time I left school.  Instead of coming back and stewing about the events of the day and why I had to work at school on a Saturday.  But I didn’t. Although God kept saying no I kept saying yes. 

I must admit that I am often confused by the choices I should be making, try to be in control,  and I don’t always see God’s plan clearly. However,  I’m not beating myself up for today events now or still having a pity party.  I think the beautiful thing is that although it took some kinda crazy stuff happening today I finally realized why and what I should be doing.  So when I got out of the shower, instead of eating ice cream, making my girl watch Netflix in the living room while I watched a sappy movie in the bedroom, I chose to paint a cupcake and giggle with her.  And now I’m better.  School will still be there tomorrow, maybe, Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.  And if I continue to have faith without a doubt I’ll get that crazy school work done and if I don’t, well, it wasn’t suppose to get done anyway.

Thanks for listening.

Odd Little Thing about me: I have to fold over the toilet paper 4 times before I can tear it off, 8 times if it’s in a public restroom.  Wasteful I know!!

Sillybug Saturday The Tale of Spring Break 2014

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This is the story of our cold Spring Break of 2014. As told by Sillybug.  Pictures by Mommy.

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Me and Mema had a picture.  And we went to see Grandma.  We went to see our church friends sing, Danny & Layna. I had a good time.  I was so happy that I danced my heart out. Until the tornado came. (There actually wasn’t a tornado.)Image

Sillybug was eating breakfast.  She smiled because her mom took a picture.  Then she ate her breakfast very goodly. She was sitting by some yellow flowers.  Then she had a pirate bowl and ate with her star power spoon. It was sitting in an old, old chair from Junk N the Trunk.  She had a pink room and a big bear that she loved very much.Image

Sillybug was sitting at her chair place when a tornado came. Her mom and dad were in the tornado.  Batman, Superman, and Wonderwoman took her up to space and tried to get her mother out.  Ruby stayed there.  They rescued her mommy and daddy.  Ruby became a super hero.

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Sillybug was sitting in her sister’s art room.  She was making some paint. There were some ninjas, bad ninjas.  They wanted to take Sillybug away.  They did last Thursday.  Her sister couldn’t find her when she was awake.  She knew what was happening.  They took Sillybug back to her hideout.  Her sister called the Super heros, Batman and Superman and Wonder Woman. Then they came, but didn’t know so they called Jean.  Jean seeked out where they were.  Flash went fast.  He was trapped.  Then they called Hawkgirl.  Hawkgirl couldn’t get them so they called Super Girl. Super Girl rescued Sillybug.

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This is the picture Sillybug painted.

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Sillybug made a jail. The chair looked like a jail.  Sillybug was in jail all sad.  She didn’t do anything.  The bad guys put her there.

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Sillybug loves her momma.  Well one night after Sillybug took bath they took picture with her mom.  She loved her very much.  They loved each other.  Mommy didn’t care because she loved to take pictures of her daughter.  Her daughter loved her mom very, very much.  The end.

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Well Sillybug was in the forest.  She loves the forest.  She jumped, layed down, and slept.  She did everything she wanted to in the forest.

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Sillybug was the cat napper.  She catched cats that didn’t have families.  She was a nice person and took them to her house and kept them pretty and safely.

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Sillybug had to go potty. But she couldn’t because there was a scary MONSTER.  But she made it without having an accident!

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Sillybug was trying to take a nap.  She couldn’t but her mom took a picture.  The sleepy tired monster got her.  She woke up and played out side.  She was so happy she couldn’t stop smiling.

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Sillybug was making a tent, she loved her tent, she slept in it.  She took a nap in it.  She did everything she liked in it.

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Sillybug was holding the cake.  She didn’t drop it.  The cake was for daddy.  Well she was making a Minion cake for daddy.  She loved it and ate.  They watched Turbo that night.  Somebody tried to steal it so she dropped it.

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So as you might have noticed she took some creative liberties with the retelling of our Spring Break.  Gotta love her creative spirit.

It was a fun week, although very cold and snowed on Tuesday.  We actually had to have the stinkin’ propane tank filled one more time.  We stayed inside a lot for play and only really ventured out 2 days. One day was to see Mema and the other to celebrate Daddy’s birthday.  We made a lot of art and one fabulous Minion cake, which you can see over in my Instagram feed.

I seem to rarely bring out the “big” camera these days, but made it a point to use it during this week.  She actually told me she preferred me to just use my iphone.  Hah! I guess she didn’t like me hitting her with it accidentally over and over while it hung around my neck.  Anywho, I loved using it, though the “big” camera required me to be more intentional and not as spontaneous. 

I’ve always loved shooting pictures and took several classes in college.  Maybe one day I’ll study it some more and feel confident enough to actually take pictures of other people besides my Sillybug.  Until then I’m glad she embraces the fact that mommy loves taking pictures and capturing the sweet & funny moments with her and her daddy.

An Unlikely Acknowledgment

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This post is about my grandmother or Mema as we call her.  She is 90 years old and has Alzheimer.  I don’t think she has really known me for almost 10 years now, maybe longer.  She lives in an assisted living home.  I will admit that I don’t visit her as often as I should.  Maybe once every other month or so, a little more over summer break.  We don’t talk much during our visits.  I usually read to her while Ruby plays and entertains the others tenants, then we leave.

She’s the only grandmother I’ve had since I was 13.  She kept me as a child while my parents worked.  She wasn’t very grandmotherly and here is where the “unlikely” part of the title might make sense. My family who might read this will understand. She kept me, but she didn’t make me cookies or give lots of hugs, like some grandmothers.  She rarely actually played with me.  Usually I entertained myself outside or watched TV while she sewed, crocheted, or worked in her ceramic shop in the converted garage.  She was an artist too. However, she didn’t teach me how to sew or crochet, and she would have preferred me to stay out of the ceramic shop.  I mainly remember standing at the door of the shop or sitting at the steps watching her or looking through the old World Book Encyclopedias she had stacked up next to them.  It was dusty from the clay dust.  My classroom, during my clay unit, always brings me back to those days because it takes on the same smell and collects the same dust.

I have never really considered her as much of a reason or inspiration for my creative endeavors or abilities.

I only remember my Mema actually teaching me one thing and that is the words to Amazing Grace. It hung on her wall in the living room.  You memorized Amazing Grace, sang it a couple billion times, and you might have actually gotten a smile from her as she spit  her chew into her mason jar.  Yep, she chewed.  I just thought you should know that tidbit of information too.  Makes the story more interesting, I think.

I only remembered her teaching me Amazing Grace, but the other day I started thinking about her and then thinking about myself.  I realized she taught me a whole lot more without knowing it.  I realized I actually owed her an acknowledgement.  An acknowledgement for my love, desire, and drive to create.  I loved watching her and I loved going to craft shows with her (I had to go, she didn’t drive, so my mom had to drive her, and I came along, because I had to).  No matter how cold she was, no matter how many times she encouraged me to go watch TV, I wanted to create like she did.  I wanted to make beautiful things.  I’m also a bit of a rebel and if you tell me I can’t do something I will do my best to prove you wrong and do it anyway.  It drives me.  In my teens that was bad, sorry mom.  Now I’ve turned it into something good called drive.  Although sometimes I think I go into overdrive.  Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who helps me with that and keeps me somewhat grounded. Overdrive can get a little crazy, but I digress, as usual. Any whooo, back to my Mema.

After thinking about my Mema and my experiences with her I realized how much she has not really inspired me, but influenced me.  That she really did teach me something other than Amazing Grace. She influenced my need to create things, to use my talents, and not let too much get in the way of those God given talents.  I say “too much” because the difference in my Mema and myself is I actually let my little one help me and create with her.  I make it a point to let her help.  And when I find myself pushing her away I think about how my Mema made me feel, apologize, and take time out to create with her.  Digression again, sorry.

I create because it’s in my DNA, it’s been passed down. I’ve been around it my whole life. It’s my nature. Passed down from my Mema, to my mom, to me, and it looks like, also, to a little Ruby.

So with all that I want to acknowledge my Mema and say thank you, not for the cookies or hugs. Thank you for the creative genes, the drive to create.  Thank you for sitting around sewing, crocheting, and making ceramics while a little girl stared a hole through you and longed to create like you.  Thank you for being creative.

And… I promise to teach Ruby Amazing Grace and sing it to you the next time I visit.

Note:  I love my Mema and did not write this in anyway to demean her or be disrespectful.  I truly am thankful for her influence.  As I finished writing this I had another moment of clarity and also realized  she actually taught me a lot about loving God and God’s love/grace for us.  That’s really, truly what counts the most anyway.

Odd Little Fact about me:  I actually do get in the zone and don’t want to be disturbed at all when I’m creating.  I understand, I guess, a little how my Mema felt when she created, and I have to fight the urge to not shut everyone out for hours and days when I’m needing to create. Like the week before a show.  The house is usually a mess and peanut butter sandwiches are eaten at all 3 meals.  If I didn’t get completely grossed out by body odor I’d probably not shower either.  And maybe I don’t, but I’m not telling you if I really do or not.  No judgement:).

Faith Without a Doubt

10007486_10152081142761464_1206263596_nThis week I posted on my mini-blog, aka Facebook, about having Faith Without a Doubt.  This was the first time I had given a hint as to what has been going on in my odd little brain during this past month.  You see, I read a passage in Matthew earlier this month about Jesus cursing the fig tree and trying to explain it to his apostles. Here’s how it goes,

21 Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. 22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

Well let me tell you this stuck in my head.  I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  I repeated it over and over again.  I woke up saying it.  I’ve said it so much that the other morning my sweet Sillybug repeated it to me. I was going on and on about making some life changes to my mother, probably sounding a little whiny, and probably even a little doubtful, and the next thing I hear quietly whispered from the backseat were the sweetest words ever. “Faith without a doubt Momma.”  Seriously, how did this 4 year old suddenly become so wise and intuitive, saying the exact words I needed to hear at that moment?!!  My own shortened version of what Jesus is telling us in Matthew.  This might sound crazy and a little odd, but that’s the name of the blog so let’s get past this before I even mention it, I believe it was God using my sweet little blessing to remind me to stop being whiny, have faith, and get out of the car.  He can do that you know.

Faith without a doubt, I’ve probably said it at least 10 times to myself today.  In my weak moments and in my happy moments.  I want to make changes, I need to make changes.  These changes seem scary and might seem crazy to some, but what’s really scary is I’ve needed to take this leap of faith and get out of this rut for a long time, but I haven’t.  I keep going back to the same old routine because it’s safe, although so frustrating and extremely stressful.  Safe and stressful.  Are those two words that really go together? I think not.  That’s like saying peanut butter and salad go together. That’s just not right!  I realized what I was lacking was faith.  I prayed to God to change my situation, but I didn’t really believe that He would.  Or when it seemed like it might be too tough or too scary to change I just gave up, assuming, though not really feeling it, that this is where I’m suppose to be so I must just suck it up & deal with it.

Well here’s what’s different about my thinking this time.  I’m going to have faith with a doubt like Jesus tells us to.  I’m going to work and have been working toward making changes.  I know it’s going to be hard, I’m going to get tired.  But I believe there are two kinds of tired, sick & tired and excited & tired. I ‘m ready to be the second of those combinations.  I know, I know I’m being very vague about these changes.  There are reasons, you’ll find out later.  I’ll write about it on here or the mini-blog:).

I also know, because I’m imperfect, that there will be moments & days I struggle with my little, but important mantra.  That’s where I need your help.  You guys are kinda like my accountability partners. So I ask that you might say a little prayer for me and my vague plans.  I promise you it’s nothing like robbing a bank, leaving Josh (he’s great by the way, very supportive, yay Josh!), or starting a new found love for salad.  I’m not that odd.  But it is something big, something very much needed for my family, myself, and a better way for me to serve as I should, using the talent God has given me.

Faith with a doubt!!!  I can do this, right? Yes, yes, I can! (Insert spirit fingers.)  I actually do that a lot at home, by myself, occasionally in front of Josh.

Anywhoooo.

Thanks for following along with me on this imperfect journey.  I’ll keep you posted.

And…

Oh yeah, my Odd Little Fact about me:  Mmmm, there are so many.  Oh yeah, I eat cheese on my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Yummy, yummy.

Family Spy Day

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It started out, there was this beautiful land with a castle on it.  There  was this family called the Brown family.  There names were Mommy, Daddy, & Ruby.  All of the family loved to do stuff.

Along came a firestorm.  There were spies back then and they found Ruby.  They went to this tiny school and they learned kids how to be spies.  Well, then they were going somewhere to spy out people and Ruby went too.  She spied people.  She flew on a vine and landed on a tree that she couldn’t get down.  Then she saw some people that were her mom and dad and she flew down to see them.  She went home with her mom and dad.  Then Ruby told her mom what she had to do.

She told her parents what spies do.  They swing by bad people, beat them up, capture them.  That’s what spies do, but they also love their mommies.  Their moms hug them very much, kiss their boo boos, and braid their hair. (I think someone has watched a certain movie with minions a few too many times)

The end.

I hope you enjoyed another Sillybug Saturday story.  She’s really into spy stuff right now.  I’m pretty sure she get’s that from her mommy.  I watch a lot of spy shows, my favorite now is Chuck.  What’s yours?

Guilt Free Night?

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I know I said that this blog wasn’t going to be so much about my Sillybug, but I didn’t say it wasn’t going to be about being a mom.

So tonight I’m sitting down (in my bed) to write my next post, which was about being odd, but I can’t stop thinking about another subject swimming in my head. So I’m putting my odd post behind me for another time.  I can’t get it to flow or sound…umm…not stupid.  Probably because I keep thinking about how guilty I feel about sitting in my bedroom with the door shut, okay not so shut, (I’ll tell you about that later) with my husband and daughter in the kitchen.

Why, why, why do I feel guilty????!!!!! Seriously, she’s been here 4 1/2 years and I can’t push the guilt of leaving them to themselves in the other room!  (Well, they are baking cookies, that might be why, I’m going to miss licking the spoon!) I digress, sorry. Guilt, I have never been able to totally shake it.  I can handle it when I go out and leave the house. However, It strikes worse when I’m at home with them, but not actually interacting with them.  If I’m working on something, like for school or making art, it’s not as bad, but if it’s a my husband says, “It’s okay you can go in our bedroom, watch Netflix or read, eat cookies, some might say have a glass of wine to relax.”, but I don’t drink (Nyquil doesn’t count, right, ha ha just kidding, maybe) kind of night, I get all crazy!  The guilt creeps in.

I should be in there making those cookies with them!  Aren’t I missing out on quality family time? I can’t lick the spoon! Does he know where the measuring spoon is, the difference between baking soda and powder??!!! (I’m not really sure about that one actually) Nervous breakdown approaching!!! Where’s the NYQUIL???!!!!

WAIT, STOP!!!

It’s going to be okay.  I need this time.  They need this time together, without me chiming in about how everything should be done.  I have made a gazillion cookies with her, watched movies, made crafts, and given her 20 million hugs and kisses.  Probably 100 kisses tonight alone.  They are going to be okay in that kitchen.

I need this time to chill, to remember and reflect on who I am. To settle my snarkiness (I think I just made that word up) and rid myself of that worse feeling(do I dare describe or admit it), that feeling of just needing to flee. And I don’t mean plan a trip with the girls to a cabin for the weekend, but a get in the car on a whim and not come back feeling.  That feeling is so much worse than guilt, at least for me.

So, here I am in bed, typing this post, while Sillybug and the Mister are happily bonding over cookies.  Reflecting, thinking, and wrapping my thoughts around this whole guilt thing.  Realizing for the first time that I need this and I can do this.  And maybe it’s not guilt that I feel, maybe it’s actually a feeling of wanting to be with them, but my mind, my spirit telling me, “Hey, you need to chill, by yourself, before you do something or say something you’re gonna regret.”

So, I’m going to continue to sit here and not feel guilty. Because to be honest, if I was in there it would not be “quality time”.  It would be “snarky mommy time”.  And there is nothing quality about that!

And maybe, if I’m lucky they’ll bring me a cookie with that icing, that they just came in asked me about, and then shut the door.

I hope this post helps you understand that guilt feeling a little better, maybe feel okay about it.  And realize that a little bit of me time will mean a little bit of actual quality time in the future. Like it did for me.

Thanks for reading,

Lindsay

Odd Fact about me:  I was born with not one, but two severely club feet.  I wore casts on my legs for almost the whole first year of my life.  The good thing, my mom could sit me anywhere and not worry about me wondering off. Plus, I have some really cool scars!

Sillybug Saturdays!

I’d like to introduce my first contributor to the blog.  I call her Sillybug.  She has a very creative imagination, likes to pretend, and make up stories, as do most 4 year olds.  I have decided to dedicate a weekly, okay it might be bi-weekly, post to her.  She is responsible for the subject or story.  I am going to write it in her words with limited edits.  So I apologize for the grammar, she is 4.  That being said, I’d like to introduce you to our first “Sillybug Saturdays!” post.  Enjoy!  I wish you could see the smile on her face as I post this for the first time.

PicMonkey Collage  Ruby Night & Mommy Night Together

by Sillybug

Long ago in a far away land there was this tiny, tiny house with people named the Black Family.  There was a little girl named Ruby. There was Lindsay. She was Ruby’s mommy.  She loved to make art.  Her dad was named Josh. He liked to build things. There was a little dog named Chopper and a cat named Pedro. There were also 3 cats named Gray Kitty, Orange Kitty, & Pale Kitty. Then there were neighbors called Caleb, Courtney, Connie, & Clint. There was a dog named George and one named Louie.  There were 2 cats.

Ruby’s daddy was going to Jason’s house to watch the football game. Well, mommy and Ruby watched a movie while he was gone.  When it was bed time her mom put her to sleep.  Then it was morning. Everybody was waked up in the town. Ruby waked up really early to go see her mom and dad in their bedroom. And then it was tomorrow, the day Ruby had to go to school and mommy had to go to school. Daddy had to go to work. Then they slept and called it Ruby Night and Mommy Night All Together.

Ruby was scared and she thought there was a monster in her bedroom.  And then Superman and Batman saved Ruby from the bad guys. Next, bad guys captured Ruby.  Batman and Superman tried to save her.   Batman got hurt.  They took Ruby to where they live.  Next, they made Batman better.  They went off to fight again.  And then Robin came.  All the superheros came. One of them got hurt.  Flash got hurt

There was a cold storm.  There was a snow queen who got Ruby’s mom and dad.  Then Superman and Batman heard about it.  And then they knew that they had to rescue Ruby.  They had to leave her where they lived.  And then Ruby slept where they slept.  They ate there and Ruby had a birthday. And then her Birthday was over and Superman and Batman wanted to make her a superhero.

And then one day when Ruby was going fighting she called Superman because Robin was hurt. They took Robin to Ruby and Batman.  When they were flying up there the bad guys where trying to capture Ruby again. When they where there one of the bad guys hurt her side. Superwoman was being Ruby.  They had to train Ruby.  They gave her a weapon.  It was a sword.  Then she had trained with the sword.  Then when Batman trained Ruby there was bad guys coming to where they lived. Then Ruby had to hide where the clothes were. Then Ruby tried to get out.  Then Ruby saw that Batman got killed and she called for Superman.  He came and saved the day by bringing Batman back to life.

And then Ruby woke up.

The End.

For I Know the Plans I Have for You…Say Whaaat?

Most of us have heard that verse or seen that verse plastered, painted, and molded onto anything and everything.  Before I lose you though and get called a “hater”, let me just say this is not a post blasting this verse.  It’s a great verse.  As a matter of fact lots of other people think so too.  I Googled “the most popular Bible verses” and found that Bible Gateway Blog listed it as the #2 most popular verse searched, both in 2009 and 2012. 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (NLT)

I struggle with the verse.  I struggle with having faith in the verse.  So much so that it was very clear that this should be the first thing, besides my introduction, to write about. 

I read this verse and I say to myself “Well, I’m glad you know God, because I sure don’t and I really wish you’d be more obvious about it.”  I think I know and I’ve tried some of those plans.  I’ve felt very passionate about those plans and then when they don’t go as planned, mainly in what I perceive as negative, I get discouraged.

My main example being that since I was blessed with my Sillybug I’ve wanted to stay home with her.  I’ve prayed, I’ve asked others to pray about it.  I’ve started side projects in hopes to stay home with her, but it didn’t happen.  This is the last year that staying home with her would have been possible.  Sillybug will be entering Kindergarten in the fall.  I flinch at the thought of that, every time. 

I love my work from home mom friends, but I have to admit I have gotten a little jealous of them at times.  I think it has probably even caused me to distance myself from them on occasion.  Although I get my summers off, it never seems like enough time. Yes, I realize some moms don’t even get summers.  I’m thankful for my summers, but I also feel like I’m cramming in 10 months of things I want to do for my Sillybug, husband, and others into 2 months.  I find myself saying “this is surely not the plan God, right?” as I’m collapsing on the couch from a day doing 500 gazillion fun, pinteresty things and hoping that something will happen that will allow me to not have to walk through those school doors come August. By the way, I love my students & making art with them, I just happen to love being with my own child & making my own art a tad bit more.

Sorry if the above sounded whiny(though honest).

Now back to the “what’s up with that verse” topic.  I’ve bought books, read blogs, and asked my preacher to do a lesson on understanding God’s plan for me.  Still I struggle.

So I decided that maybe I should write about it and see if putting my thoughts in type would help me gain a better understanding of this “plan”.  It’s working I must admit.  So I think I am going to stop writing this post for a few minutes, maybe a few days. Reread it, but not delete it and see what happens.

Minutes…

Maybe I’m not suppose to know God’s earthly plans for me.  Maybe it’s just His Heavenly plans for me.  Maybe that’s what this verse is truly saying.  “Lindsay just trust me, my plan is for you to make it to Heaven.  And it’s pretty awesome up here.”

More minutes…

Dear Lord,

I am really grumpy about not being able to work from home.  I promise I will work really hard making my own art, make dinner more, wash clothes instead of just buying more under ware, watch less T.V, and visit the nursing home more often.

That sounds like a good plan right, God. Please help me to not be so grumpy.

Lindsay

Lots more minutes…

Okay after rereading, a little bit of Facebook time(that always helps you think, right?), and reflection I’ve decided that the last piece I wrote, the prayer, was definitely whiny.  Sorry. And for now I’ve decided that of course God has plans for me, good plans, plans that should get me to Heaven and hopefully inspire others to go with me. That’s the most important plan. Though we as humans for centuries have had a hard time understanding that concept of the greater plan.

And things could be worse.  I could have a year around job and not have any time off with my family.  I have a husband who doesn’t hold it against me that laundry on occasion piles up (who likes doing laundry anyway).  I could be living in a cardboard box. 

I must admit though that it is hard for me to grasp and understand why something that I’m so passionate about hasn’t happened, but maybe it’s my lack of faith.  Maybe God is saying, “Lindsay, you asked to stay home, but you wouldn’t trust in me enough to make that happen.  My plans for you on earth were good ones, but you didn’t trust me.” 

Maybe I’ll reflect on that a bit and maybe I’ll reread this over and over and it will sink in, maybe I’ll take God’s plan and trust in Him to make it happen.  I wish I could say I truly have got God’s plan for me on earth figured out now, Yee-Haw! I wish I could inspire you with an amazing ending to this thought.  I wish I could say writing this post helped me figure it all out and I can now go this day forth and be content with my life as it is. Sorry I can’t.  Yes, writing this has given me something to think about and reflect upon.  Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow going, Yes, I’ve got it all figured out. I’m hoping there will be a part 2. But until then, I’d love to hear your thoughts on Jeremiah 29:11.  Have you gotten discouraged by this verse or is this verse uplifting and motivating to you.

I’d like to end each post with an odd little thing about me.  So here’s the first one.

I HATE salads! And most green foods, especially lettuce.  Just the other day I asked the guy at Blue Coast Burrito to pick the 3 pieces of lettuce out of the cheese he piled into my burrito. It would have just ruined the whole thing!

 

 

Oh My Goodness!

Yep, that was the first thought as I began to type this and delete this and retype it.  Oh my goodness, I’m blogging again.  Maybe this one won’t get lost in outer space like the last two.  I like writing.  I blogged about my pregnancy and the first year of my daughter’s life.  Then I did a few oddly ambitious things and blogging just didn’t fit in my schedule.  I missed it and tonight I actually found the old pregnancy blog from 3 years or so ago and reread all my post.  I thought about just continuing that blog. Just picking up like I never left or that time had warped and poof here I was three years later like nothing happened.  But a lot has happened and I felt it necessary to start fresh and that blog was all about being pregnant and my Sillybug.  I looooove her, but there is a slightly bit more to me than being Sillybug’s mom.  Oh my goodness, did I just say that??!!! Yes, I did and that’s okay.  It took me a couple years to figure that out, that’s another post though. Told you I’m going to be honest. If you’ve already read the “About” section, you know there is a lot more to me.

Sooooo, here’s what to expect.

Honesty

Odd thoughts and adventures!

Odd things I make (I have a shop http://www.oddlittlethings.storenvy.com and FB page) Shameless self-promotion

and…

a little Sillybug.  Because, though she is not my whole life, she is a major percent of it, and she is pretty cute.

Oh!  I can’t leave out Mr. Odd Little Thing.  He’s pretty crafty too and handsome in rugged kinda way:). Honesty.

So enjoy my oddity, my calamity, my drama, my art, my life.  My hope is I help you either feel a little less odd or embrace your oddness.

Lindsay